It came to pass in those days that a humble wiblogger had a blog, a new, shiny blog. The blogger liveth in the wibsite along with many other bloggers of a similarly wibbling disposition. She bloggeth. Every day (nearly). Keepeth the home and work fires burning (some of the time). And generally doeth her duty as An Shining Example of Christian Womenhood. ( She also studieth a little theology on the side, but we all have our failings!)
But lo! As Lent, the season of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth approacheth, our humble wiblogger was struck with guilt. She weepeth and waileth and renteth her clothing. (She gnasheth not her teeth as NHS dentists are hard to come by; an simple filling costeth the price of an small mortgage).
” I have sinned,” she crieth. ” I have blogged when I shoudst not have blogged. I have not blogged when I shoudst have blogged. (The same goeth for eating chocolate). ”
” Likewise I neglecteth my theology course. I stoppeth reading those long, boring genealogies after the first three ‘begats.’ I skippeth all the dull bits in Leviticus, and peruseth the Ship version of Exodus instead of Gospelcom. I telleth not my exegesis from my hermeneutics, my hydrostasis from my hydrants. There is no health in me.”
And she casteth around in her mind as to how she might expurgate her sin.
And lo! (again). One day as she flicketh her way through The Methodist Recorder, an Angel (metaphorically speaking, you understand) camest to her and saith:
” Lo! (yet again), Behold! Be Not Afraid! (tick whichever box applies). Havest I got a challenge for you! Hasten thou deep into the bowels of cyberspace and startst thou a new blog! ”
And with a cheery ” Rememberest thou. No chocolate allowed!” the angel departest from her.
So, whistling an quick chorus of “Here I Am, Lord,” (expurgated version), our wiblogger hied her off to lands afar, wherein after much travail, perusething of HTML code and wiggling of widgets, was born Green Patches. She bloggeth. Every day (nearly). And it was Very Good.
But, lo! (And woe). It camest to pass, after many years, our wiblogger, whose name wast now Green Patches, bloggeth not every day. She neglecteth her blog. She joineth the ‘Seabirds.’ And one day, whilst she idleth away her time in exotic climes, An New Blogger, armed with his trusty cheese grater, entereth her blog, shaveth off an entry and quoteth it in his own blog and in Another Place.
When our wiblogger discovereth it, she pondereth it in her heart. She wondereth what kind of news this might be. Couldst she a worthy contender for the Dullest Blog in the World MKII? She readest it again. No she couldn’t. Then she really didst gnash her teeth (dentists notwithstanding). And thinketh thoughts wholly unfitting for one shortly to become a fully fledged seabird. For It Is Written:” Seabirds shallst not run amok in the blogosphere with sundry kitchen implements, whatsoever the provocation. Blessed are the Cheese Graters.”
So she repenteth…and laugheth…
And verily, the slight rise in her stats gratifieth her exceedingly.